Social Norms

पिचले तीन दशको में, भारतीय सामाजिक मूल्यों में भारी परिवर्तन दृष्टिगत है .और ये परिवर्तन सतत है. समाज के हर पक्ष से उदहारण  लिये जा सकते ही. शुरुआत करते ही हिंदी फिल्मों के गानों से ,हमारी उम्र के लोग ये तो जरूर कहते ही की , आज के संगीत में वो बात नहीं है, लेकिन बात ये ही कह देने से ख़तम नहीं हो जाती,हम यदि गौर करे, फिल्मे सदैव से समाज का दर्पण रही ही, मौजूदा समाज में "मुन्नी बदनाम हुई" और "शीला की जवानी" जैसे अश्लील गाने इस लिये लोकप्रिय हो रहे है,क्यूंकि हम इन्हें अश्लील कहने का सहस खोते जा रहे ही.आधुनिकरण के युग में  सब खुच चलता है के नाम पे खुच भी बर्दास्त करने को तैयार ही.न सिर्फ गाने दबंग जैसी निरथर्क फिल्मे बॉक्स ऑफिस में सुपरहिट है.

एक समय था जब सामजिक स्तरीकरण में उस वर्ग को ऊँचा स्थान  दिया जाता था जो इमानदारी, निष्ठां, प्रेम, सहयोग, और सहनशीलता जैसे मूल्यों के पालक एवं वाहक होते थे, आज हम उस वर्ग को सर पे बैठाये हुए ही जो दबंग है , तीस  मार खान है और मुन्नी को बदनाम करने की ताकत रखता है , जो जितना हि कला धन समेटे ही उसे उतना ही ऊँचा दर्जा प्राप्त है .मैं फिर येही कहूंगी की इन्हें ये दर्ज़ा देने वाले भी हम हैं, क्यूंकि हमे सच को सच कहने और सुनने का और झूठ को झूठ कहने और सुनने का साहस खो चुके हैं.

शिक्षा व्यवस्था का जिक्र किये बिना यह बहस पुरी न होगी. पिचले दिनों, मैंने कुछ शोध किये और ये पाया की भारत के गुडगाव के बहुत ही प्रतिष्ठित नुर्सेरी  स्कूल के दाखिले की लिए २ लाख /- डोनेशन तथा ५६ हज़ार रुपये फीस लगती है, लोग एस स्कूल में दाखिला पाने या न पाने को अपनी व्यक्तिगत प्रतिष्ठा से जोड़ते ही. मैं अच्छी सिक्षा के विरोध में नहीं हूँ किन्तु  ये अवश्य जानने की इक्षा रखती हूँ की २ लाख रुपये में,  भारतीयभूमि पे बनाये गए इन  विदेशी स्कूल में किस  विशेष प्रकार की शिक्षा बेचीं जा रही है. मैं अंत  इन्ही शब्दों से करूंगी, की ये आप ही और हम है जिनोहने  शिक्षा को प्राप्त करने में और खरीदने में भेद है इस विचार को स्वीकार करने का साहस  खो  दिया ही.

अनुपमा

Dis-located Identity

The issue of 'Indian-ness',' Identity' and 'The Lost Homes' have been widely discussed by the writers all over the world. As a literature student I studied some of the Diaspora literature. I had never realized that one day the saga of my own life might sound like one of these books. I always ponder over the inevitability of the fate of the immigrants.  Immigrants have been rearing up the same sensibility, why don't we have the courage to break the shackle. Is it that hard? Our predecessors must have tried hard, some might have gotten free.

I believe as long as we would continue to treat our present as foreign and past as home and lost, it won't be possible to Identify with the present, our identities would  always be dis-located, because, in 'foreign land' things always work differently. We are behaving adamantly in the present. Why do we always indulge in discussions as to what would have been the conditions in India when we had left it? We will be stepping into the world of artificial intelligence (machines) where territorial and cultural limitation won’t exist and should be prepared for the challenges of the world to come.

The displacements of people can be of different type, it could be forced migration, deportation, and voluntary emigration, emigration where we are the colonizers and where we are the colonized ones. Mine is the voluntary emigration, and, I am confined to that one only, as I won't be able to sense others. We crossed "Saat Samunder" to a make it an abode of our own. One should have the courage to accept the fact that we did it voluntarily. The feeling that we have committed a sin, in crossing the black ocean, should be undermined. Our soul should be purified and free of all the guilt. It is acceptable to some extent to bear the guilt by the parents who are the first to emigrate, but would be unacceptable if we hand it down to our off springs. They have only the present, unlike us; never should we try to create a "false past" for them. Neither they would be the archetype of our "golden past”, nor should we expect.

Sensibility is an unstable entity, which we create out of our believes, surroundings, sub-conscious mind, our hatred and love and we are not ready to give up throughout lives the sensibilities, constructed on such an ambiguous and instable base. This struggle between the 'Memory and Forgetting', that we experienced should be limited to ourselves only. Our identities are plural and let’s face it and face it with dignity, but this ambiguity should not permeate our future.

 With Love

Anupama

Note- In "we" I am always included.

Nimona/Pea Paste Curry (Remembering my Mother)

I was feeling little nostalgic on Sunday and was missing the winter time of  child hood. Whenever I go back down the memory line, and specially when its the winter time, there are few flashes from the sub-conscious which, start playing in my mind's media player. The most recurrent one is, my coming back from school, tired of riding my cycle, which used to be the  mode of commute to schools then, starved , leaving my school bag anywhere, and my mom ready with Nimona and Rice on the plate and feeding me with her hands. The taste used to get intensified the way my mom used to feed  big bites with her hands. This clip of my past keeps coming to the conscious mind . I can't relive the moment again as we have moved on in life. But I miss  my Mom every single moment of  life. I always try to imitate her ways in cooking. The recipe, I will be sharing today is Nimona/ Pea paste curry. I wish, I could be able to prepare it  the way she used to cook.  Hope you will enjoy it.Here is the link :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04xwqejd0kY

With Love
Anupama

Religion

It is and always has been a sensitive issue to discuss about. I will be super conscious while handling the subject. I would like to narrate a short real story first and would like to come to crux of this blog in the later half. Recently, some one very close from my family went through a crisis and was needing 2 units of blood. Because of her prolonged ailment, the situation had arrived in past too, so its the second time. I had never analysed or observed in past that donating blood in our societal norms, a not very happily welcomed event. When the need arrived for the first time, I felt it won't be a big problem, because, in my sub-conscious mind, I was visualizing figures of my near and dear ones and them accepting the offer readily.But It went the other way, the first to say no were the dearest ones, somehow we managed it. Recently the crisis emerged for the second time, everybody left it on us, as we are physically so distantly located from the real event, it was hard and frustrating for us. We were literally begging relatives for 2 units of blood. There were some genuine and some really fake excuses. Finally, my husband started writing to different Social Workers, based in Lucknow. I mocked at his venture, by saying that when our own people are not ready, who else would agree to it. But he wrote to almost 25-30 people. And finally only a Muslim doctor responded his mail with all his contact details and told us to contact him for blood donation. This man is no way related to us. He even does not belong to our religion. But he happily agreed to donate blood. We called him and expressed our gratitude. Now, the patient who seems to me a strict believer of her own religious beliefs, has the blood running in her veins of a Muslim.I won't go in details of it and leave the rest for us to question.
The story will not affect our lives but at least had given me a lot for introspection. I have a kid to raise in the society, where people are  hypocrites. Through the medium of this blog I wish to give him a value system in which I have faith. I have heard that immigrants here in USA send their kids to their specific religious schools other than their formal schools. These schools are generally for languages but in the name of language they preach religion to kids.It has become a fashion to send one's kids to one of these. One I know about is Swadhayay, where  they teach Hindi language.I completely agree to the fact that immigrants have fear of loosing their Identity and therefore they hold tight the threads of religion and language of their own. But I have always doubted this concept. I really wonder, is the sense of loss  so severe? that  we are ready to fill it with any kind of crap.For me, the Dharma is "धीयते इति धर्मः" its basically a  way of life which we adapt for living. For me the most powerful thing in the entire universe is " सद ज्ञान " or right knowledge. One can conquer everything by knowledge. After this little incident in my life, I have decided that I will not be sending my kid to any such school. I would prefer to impart  right knowledge about the religion, society, traditions and language.Because, all of my relatives and friends who did not agree to give blood fall under just one category, they do not belong to any cast creed or religion,they are basically, ignorants. It is just an incident, we find people behaving ignorantly in one or the other spheres of life.


Hope I was able to convey what I really wanted to. I would highly appreciate if you can comment on my decision.


Will be back
Anupma

Yes We Can

Life always brings about answers to one's doubts in such peculiar way. Same thing happened with me. I started doubting my capabilities of performing duties both in personal and professional sense.

 Recently, I issued a book for Advaya entitled, "Yes We Can", I read it to Advaya and as soon as I had finished the book, a kind of fresh smile was on my face and in a way I was being answered by life to all my foolish doubts. Yes , Now I consider them foolish. The story is about three friends, Kangaroo, Mouse and Duck. They were playing and while playing Kangaroo asked Duck," I know something you can't do.you can't jump over a big big log." Duck felt offended and said, "Yes I can."Duck tried as hard as she could, but little Duck can't do it." Other animals looking at the failure of Duck were laughing, even the  Mouse enjoyed Duck's falling. Duck was upset and said to Mouse,"I  know something you can't do. you can't float on a puddle." The Mouse also took it personally and said,"yes I can." Mouse also tried hard to float on the puddle but little mouse isn't really made for floating. Little Mouse came out of the water disappointed.and Kangaroo made fun of him. Little Mouse asked Kangaroo," Don't laugh at me , I know something you can't do. you can't catch catch your own tail." Kangaroo like others said, "Yes I can." Roo tried as hard as he could to catch his own tail but his tail would not be caught. Mouse and Duck laughed and laughed as Roo ran around in circles. All disappointed after the failures sat sadly.  Roo's mother came over and asked for the reasons for their disappointments. She answered, "No body likes to be laughed at.""Why don't you show each other what you can do?" said the the mother. kangaroo cried." I can jump over a big big log!'" The Roo did it. Every body appreciated his good jumping skills. then the Duck said, I can float on a puddle and she did it and others agreed. And the Mouse caught his own tail and Duck and Roo thought his tail-catching was the best they had ever seen. they all were really really happy on their success and the cried all together, "Yes We Can."

 With such a small story , life has made me understand that there are things which I can really do well. In life, most of the times, one is swayed away by the expectation of others, and  do as hard as one can do but, could not taste the fruit of success and is frustrated at the end of the day. I learnt the lesson and would always try to communicate this to my son as he will be stepping into a world more challenging and demanding than  we are in .

Thanks

Anupma

12/11/2010

I sometimes am amazed to see the ways of life. A moment you are sombre and gloomy another you are gay and jovial, at a moment you are ready to renounce the world considering it futile and, another you are ready to embrace it like a beloved. Isn't it amazing?I am little bit relaxed today, Advaya is having his afternoon nap and my husband has gone to a conference for the entire day. I really like to spend time with my self. I don't mean to say I don't like to be with others. No not at all I am a public person, I like to be in the midst of people. But I am very much disturbed when I really don't have my own little time .
Sitting on the sofa and watching Anjana and Anjani, didn't like it much so from there, the mind flies back to the memories of school days, the year I guess was  1996, when, I participated in the Miss St, Anthony's Convent competition and to be very precise,  to the the final question round. All my dear friends might also remember the event, I was asked ,"Who do you think is a better woman, one who goes out and earn money or the one who takes care of the household." my answer was kind of naive,I answered, "For me the woman ,who has equal control over the inside world and the outside world would be a better woman." I didn't realize the question asked at the age of 14-15 could possibly be the most essential question of the life to come. It is Indeed true. I lost the competition then by answering so, as was supposed to choose one between the two options.At that time I could not choose one and the dilemma continues at the age of I am not able to choose one over the other.
And undoubtedly, all women who happily choose one over the other, are women of great conviction.I really appreciate their decision.
Will be back.
Love to all....

Date 12/10/2010 Philadelphia PA USA

Dear Friends, I have been feeling strange for couple of days . I am not sure how would I be able to put it down in words. The most intricate and enigmatic affair in ones life is his/her  emotional state of mind and to express them is even harder task. As I have started this blog to communicate my mind and share it with my friends and also to get their experiences .
I toil hard everyday to get things done in my household, even then there are things every day which are not addressed or neglected. During the day, my mind is occupied with some or the other thing if I am cooking, my mind is with Advaya {my son}, When I am feeding him, my mind is in hurry of something may be doing the dishes. When I doing the dishes, my mind wants to run to TV. This dissociation with the work of mind, takes out the efficiency in me and which is a frustrating thing .Anyways, when I am almost done with all the work that I have designated my self in the span of one day, officially I am done for the day,I have nothing in my list to do and still have time, my mind doesn't want to take rest, it is still running here and there, I am not able to convince him that I have done every thing needed now I can do whatever I like. It does not listen to me at all. and then I sit in front of computer and kill my time watching things I really don't want to. Basically, I am in hurry of something, or I want to finish something which I am not able to do or may be not efficiently doing it. There is something wrong because even when I am sleeping my mind is not at rest .As a result when I get up in the morning I am not fresh ,I am  irritated and tired although I have been sleeping for 7-8 hours.
I believe I have lost the sync or may be something else. Its Important to give vent to my feelings. As we don't have much friends here, writing is the easiest ,the most non-bothering and the most refreshing, act for me .So here I am .Hope to hear from you.
Thanks